“We Admitted…“
A reminder: In this series I attempt to re-imagine the 12 steps, without changing the basic format or content, along non-theistic, Buddhist, and existentialist lines. I am attempting to do so without employing explicit Buddhist ideology, ontology, or terminology, although a complete avoidance of such is likely impossible.
At the conclusion of Step 1 (Part 1) we suggested the following, provisional, re-imagined Step 1:
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol had engaged in an alcoholic life – that our lives had become unmanageable.
With the concept of “powerlessness” unpacked we can now turn our attention to the first two words of this step: “We admitted”.
Stoic/Editorial “Admission” v. Effusive “Confession”
While the first step uses the phrase “We admitted…” the emotional weight that is implied, and that normally attends this “admission”, is almost always greater than that of a simple admission. Instead, it is more akin to “We confessed….” That is, this singular act of “admission” is rarely experienced as a simple acknowledgment of a fact, or as some stoic editorial correction. It is rarely: “Yes, well…, upon reflection it turns out that I have, in fact, abused alcohol… I hereby revise my earlier assessment of myself.”
Instead, the admission spoken of in Step 1 normally evokes a sense of shame and a self-loathing that may more commonly be experienced by the sin-burdened penitent at confession. The emotion is felt in the manner of: “Forgive me [whoever] for I have sinned, debased and disgraced myself in your eyes and the eyes of the world.” This may not be the actual manner of confession but this language does capture the some of the complete moral and emotional collapse that one can feel in such a confessional moment.
Returning to the first step we can readily see that neither of these models carry the proper sense or connotation for the first step to be effective or meaningful. An admission of the stoic/editorial variety simply fails to acknowledge and recognize the seriousness and depth of the “admission”. In a nutshell, any confession that can be so readily and unemotionally made is of little significance, and likely to have almost no effect on a person’s life.
Alternatively, the effusive confessional model fails as an effective “life-change” event because it is primarily emotional an experience. In contrast to the stoic/editorial modal which was all intellect, this mode is virtually all emotion, and deeply negative emotion to boot. Thus, it fails to encompass an acceptance of the truths expressed. The point of a confession is to “unburden” oneself, and be relieved of the ugly truth confessed. Step 1 is intended not as an unburdening, just the opposite – it is an acceptance of the burden.
An Inelegant Re-Imagining
From the foregoing analysis, and the failures of the two described models, it is easy to see what the first step demands. The “admission” in question must recognize the true significance of what is being confessed. Further, it must be experienced in a way that the emotion does not overwhelm the “confessor” and allows them to truly accept, including intellectually, the truth. Thus the phrase “recognized and accepted” more accurately represents what is required.
Final Version: Step 1
Thus, I suggest the following replacement:
We admitted recognized and accepted that we were powerless over alcohol had engaged in an alcoholic life – that our lives had become unmanageable.
This formulation avoids the unproductive emotional extremes of the stoic/editorial approach and the emotional/confessional, while actually encouraging the those things that will later promote sobriety.
A final note on Step 1: The phrase “our lives had become unmanageable” is proper, when sufficiently understood. That is, the recognition of manageability is a recognition of past manageability. That is, one’s life can, and will, be manageable (should proper steps be taken). In other words, this statement of manageability does not express an ontological or existential truth. It is not a claim that human lives are by their nature “unmanageable”, merely that ours had become so.
Upcoming in Re-Imagining Step 2: “Came to believe”, “power greater than ourselves”, and the restoration of sanity (oh, my!).
Comments and debate are welcome, invited, encouraged and anticipated.
I can see exactly where you are coming from and I approve of the change in wording. It’s reality based and points to the fact thatv that was then – this is now. Change is possible if and when we choose to take charge of our lives and our health.
The discovery of neuroplasticity, that our thoughts can change the structure and function of our brains, even into old age, is the most important breakthrough in our understanding of the brain in four hundred years. In Tibetan Buddhism, the concept of neuralplasticity has been around for far longer than Western science has recognized it – the term for it is le-su-rung-wa which means “pliability”; your brain can change based on repeated experience. It’s no surprise then that studies have been performed on plasticity during meditation and have shown that the brain can change based purely on mental training. This of course has huge ramifications for mental practice and its impact on overall well-being. If you can think yourself into being more compassionate, or more positive and more resourceful, or calmer and more content, it seems a little too good to be true. But with some effort, it’s possible. – Neuroplasticity: Your Brain’s Amazing Ability to Form New Habits http://www.refocuser.com/2009/05/neuroplasticity-your-brains-amazing-ability-to-form-new-habits/
Posted by timethief | June 13, 2011, 7:35 pmThank you for your comment, and the great link.
Funny, I didn’t really think of the “Re-Imaging” project in terms of neuroplasticity, but in many ways that science lies beneath my general orientation. I often try to impress on people whom I have the opportunity to lead or teach that “Words Matter”… the language of our thoughts, even those we speak or teach to ourselves shape how we see the world, and thus how respond to it (in fact, not just how we respond to it, but what responses are possible).
As usual, you have given me much to reflect on… thank you!
HB
Posted by The Habituated Buddhist | June 13, 2011, 7:47 pmExcellent. I am taking notes and am in total agreement. Looking forward to what else is in store. Thank you for such a beautiful job of disentanglement and clarity. This is huge.
Posted by Julie | June 14, 2011, 9:36 amThank you so much for your comment – though I worry about anyone taking notes based on my ramblings (grin)….
Posted by The Habituated Buddhist | June 14, 2011, 9:57 amWords DO matter. They affect everything whether listeners recognize it or not. I totaly like your attention to the words and what they mean.
Posted by midaevalmaiden | June 14, 2011, 3:05 pmThank you for your kind words.
Posted by The Habituated Buddhist | June 14, 2011, 10:20 pmLike your blog too!
Posted by Diegotist | June 15, 2011, 7:54 amThanks man!
Posted by The Habituated Buddhist | June 15, 2011, 11:23 amI like the re-visioned Step 1. Makes more sense to me and fits better…imo. Less victim and more responsibility with compassion for self and others.
Thank you HB:)
Posted by Debra | June 15, 2011, 10:41 amThank you.
I understand that this sort of project may be controversial. Many believe that any sort of “tampering” with the steps is heretical, but I feel that doing a “close reading” is helpful and instructive.
I appreciate your support!
Posted by The Habituated Buddhist | June 15, 2011, 11:25 amAs always, I am grateful for your post. I had been looking forward to this and was not disappointed. I look forward as well to the discussion of step two (especially the discussion of the terminology)! Thank you! I continue to learn from you and for that I thank you!
Posted by The Easier Softer Way | June 15, 2011, 6:27 pmThank you… Believe it or not, I look forward to your reading my post… your response encourages me.
While you look forward to Step Two, I fear it… I think that’ll be the toughest to discuss… Currently working on a post on forgiveness…. then Step two will commence (2 to 3 parts)
Posted by The Habituated Buddhist | June 15, 2011, 8:52 pmI like the matter-of-fact, non-pejorative re-working of this step. “This is what happened, and it’s not working” vs. a struggle to admit or deny. The re-working gives credit to intelligent human beings who are capable of recognizing and accepting information and using it to make decisions.
Posted by The Mindful Feast | June 18, 2011, 9:06 pmThank you for your comment.
Part of my goal in the re-imagining is to cut through the 1935 language and world-view to something closer to a contemporary style. You comment encourages me that I am getting closer. Thank you.
Posted by The Habituated Buddhist | June 18, 2011, 9:21 pmThanks for making me think about how I experience Step 1!
One of my favorite parts of the AA book is on P 24 where it says :
.”At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.”
So the way I interpret this in my recovery is that when I admit I’m powerless AGAINST ALCOHOL in Step 1, I accept that I have NO CHOICE – for reasons yet obscure. I found peace and freedom in this admission because of what page 24 says. Since I am – unable to being into my conscious mind the damage- that means it is not a moral decision (choice) I have made. So that allowed me to RELEASE MY SHAME FOR BEING A DRUNK & not take on shame for admitting I’m powerless.
I’m not a victim either. The steps make that clear. But I am WITHOUT DEFENSE AGAINST THE 1ST DRINK! My defense must – and has- come from a Higher Power.
Posted by Recovered2006 | July 5, 2011, 11:09 pmThank you for commenting and sharing your thoughts. I especially love the way you said, “Thanks for making me think about how I experience Step 1!” I think this is crucial, meditating on how we “experience” the step. This takes it out of a purely intellectual approach to the step, or the purely pragmatic (works so I do it). It is how we experience the steps that has impact… nothing else.
Thank you again!
Posted by The Habituated Buddhist | July 6, 2011, 9:44 pm